David Clark H10-13 S

This is the birth announcement I just finished cross-stitching for Nate. His name and birth date will go in the empty box in the center.

Restoration

God's been doing big stuff in my life over the last few weeks. Since 2003 I've had some great ideas about how I was going to serve God in Africa as a pilot/mechanic... but in pursuing those lofty goals, I let my relationship with God slip in a major way. I lost sight of the day-to-day, and that's too high a price, even when what I was trying to buy seems like such a great and noble thing. Since I lost my job in October, I've had all these questions about the future, about work, about whether we'd ever make it on the mission field. I haven't really gotten answers to any of those questions, but just about all of them were prompted by a wrong perspective on things, so the answers don't really matter as much as I thought they did. In point of fact, I've done some growing lately that I wouldn't have done if life had gone the way I thought it should have. And I'm crazy-grateful to God for that growth. Matthew 16:26

Have you ever been asked a question and you were utterly perplexed as to how to answer, because the only way to answer it properly was to tell a long story, but the asker was only looking for a simple "yes" or "no"? I got asked one of those questions Wednesday night. At the time, I was mercifully saved from attempting to stutter my way through an answer, but I've been thinking about the question since it was asked, and I still have no clue how to answer it simply. What's really funny is that, at a time when I'm absolutely desperate for clear, genuine encouragement in mine and Jen's course, this question was posed to me by a prominent member of our church here, and it only reinforced my perception that our current position is dreadfully misunderstood by so many people around me. While I make a point of not being insulted when people, in ignorance, say or ask offensive things, in truth this question was insulting to me. It hurt.

Sucker Punch!

Jen said in her latest blog post that I would provide details later. Fair enough. Since I'm online and can't find a single job for which I qualify, I may as well give you those details now. So, as I've mentioned, I found this job opening in a periodical called Air Jobs Digest. I e-mailed my resume and the owner of the company e-mailed me back, telling me to feel free to call him about the job. Keep in mind that I stated very plainly on my resume that I was still in school and wouldn't finish til the end of September. I called the guy, and we had a sort of impromptu phone interview, during which I told him, again, that I was still in school. He expressed a desire, several times, to meet me in person, so I flew from AZ to ID to meet the guy, at my own expense. We face-to-face interviewed for over two hours, during which time I told him, again, that I was still in school (you're seeing a theme here, and that's good). The guy decided to hire me, on a thirty-day trial period, beginning as soon as possible AFTER I FINISHED SCHOOL. So I finished school and Jen and I moved to ID, and I started work. Last Thursday was day 30 of my thirty-day trial period, so at the end of the day, I asked my boss for an answer on whether or not they were keeping me. After a fair amount of hemming and hawing, he told me he thinks I'll be a fine mechanic once I get up to speed, but I'm currently slow because I don't have any experience in the field (BECAUSE I JUST FINISHED SCHOOL). That being the case, he's losing money on me and he can't afford to keep me. I asked him if I should bother showing up the following day (Friday). He asked me if I wanted to show up and I said yes, so he told me to show up.

Friday morning I got to work, and we had no electricity in the hangar because of an electrical fire in our main breaker box. My supervisor (not my boss) pulled me outside and asked me what had happened the previous day, because our boss wouldn't tell him anything. I gave him the whole story, and he asked me, "If I can talk the boss into keeping you on at reduced pay until you find something else, would you be interested?" I couldn't really say why, but I didn't have peace with the idea. I said yes anyway, though, because a little income is better than no income.

Lunch time came, and I went home to eat with Jen, like I normally do. At 1:00 I was back at work, just like normal. My boss and my supervisor came in a couple minutes later, and everything seemed normal. Our power was back on, so I walked into the hangar to get started on a project. My supervisor followed me in, and said quietly, "Why don't you pack up your toolbox and I'll drive it home for you?" I said, "Wow, the conversation went that well, huh?" He replied, "Yeah, at this point, I'll be lucky to have a job on Monday." So I made sure all my tools were in my toolbox, and wheeled it out to my supervisor's truck. Meanwhile, my supervisor took my timecard to my boss, to make sure I got my last check before I left. Then he came out and helped me lift my box into his truck, and we got it all strapped down. After that, my supervisor ran back into the building real quick to grab my check (keep in mind that I hadn't so much as glimpsed my boss during this time, except for when he first got back from lunch). I followed my supervisor in (I don't think I was supposed to). My boss was standing at the front counter, talking to a customer. When my supervisor walked in, my boss just held out his hand with my check in it. He didn't say a word to my supervisor; he didn't even look at him. So I started walking toward my boss. He noticed me and looked wary for a second, so I stuck out my hand to make it plain I wanted to shake his hand. Then he stuck out his hand; I shook it and said, "Thank you for the opportunity," and I walked out.

My supervisor followed me home with my tools. After we got everything unloaded, he told me I have his phone number so call him if I need anything, and to use him if I need a reference. I asked him again, "So the conversation really went that bad?" He answered, "Let me put it this way: sometimes people REALLY don't like hearing the truth." And that was all he'd say about it. It was clear to me that he felt really awful about my being let go like that, but he was powerless to do anything about it. And that's the story.

Here's where I'm at now. I've been pursuing aviation since 2003, when I was so certain I'd been called to it by God. Jen and I spent 3 years in AZ so I could get my commercial pilot certificate, my instrument rating, and my A&P certificate. Now that I'm looking for a job in my field, it strikes me how completely worthless my education has been. I don't have the minimum hours required for ANY pilot job, I wasn't able to get my flight instructor certificate so I can't even teach, and thanks to the economy there really aren't any entry-level mechanic jobs out there right now. Lest you think I'm exaggerating, Cessna (one of the biggest general-aviation aircraft manufacturers) has laid off about 70% of its workforce in the last year or so, and all the other aircraft and engine manufacturers are following suit. The market is saturated with experienced mechanics who are scooping up all the jobs that, at one time, would have been the domain of the newly-certificated. I'm seriously questioning what I have, for the past 6 years, believed to be my calling. I'm finding it hard not to deeply regret not going to school for something, ANYTHING, else. I'm wondering if it was all a mistake. Don't get me wrong: I still have faith in God. I still believe He is who He is. I'm just wondering if I somehow misheard Him, if it was all just wishful thinking on my part. After all, He made me with certain strengths and skills, and those strengths and skills are certainly not compatible with aviation. Doesn't it seem far more likely He'd call me to something that made use of the skills and abilities He's given me?

I've been thinking for a while now about giving an update on here, since the last time I blogged we were still living in AZ, and I hadn't done my powerplant practicals yet. Now we're in Idaho, and my practicals seem like ancient history. Suffice it to say, I passed practicals, and I did it in a single day, no less. So now I'm working as an aircraft mechanic in southern Idaho. Or, rather, I'm getting my REAL education in aircraft maintenance. I started work on the 29th of Sept, and quickly discovered that my 15-month maintenance education was almost completely useless, when it comes to actually maintaining actual aircraft. The last couple weeks have been ENORMOUSLY frustrating and difficult, but I'm learning quite a bit (it feels like I've learned more in the past 2 weeks, than I did in 15 months at Cochise). It's hard to go from being top of your class, to feeling completely clueless and useless when it really matters. I'm still in the "trial period" of my job, which only makes me all the more conscious of every mistake I make and the depressing number of times in a day when I have to admit I have no clue how to do a project. I'm sure someday I'll look back at this time and laugh, but right now it's certainly doing an amazing job of keeping me humble.

Hitting the Wall Hard Enough to Splatter

For two weeks now, my life has been a discouraging marathon of frantically studying my Powerplant textbook, overloading to the point of forgetting what I've already studied, then scrambling to try to relearn the stuff I just forgot. And then, when that all gets too wearisome, I pack a few boxes which, on the whole, is far more satisfying and far less stressful than cramming. At the same time, though, it's hard to predict what we will and won't need to use/wear/read/etc in the next 9 days, so it's hard to know exactly what can and cannot be packed just now. It's also a little frustrating, because my FAA examiner won't return my calls to verify that I'm testing this weekend. If I don't test this weekend, then we can't move next week. If we can't move next week, I can't start my job on the 28th. If I can't start my job on the 28th, I don't know if I'll still have a job. So I'm stuck in this holding pattern that just begs and begs to be a source of ENORMOUS anxiety in my life, and all the while I'm trying to jam about 700 pages of information into my brain before this Saturday. I'm tired, and I mean just absolutely burned out. I'm frustrated. And I'm trying so very, very hard not to be discouraged or afraid. The war between my spirit and my flesh has never been so dramatically obvious in my heart. I have this constant murmuring in my mind born of all the 400 or so pages I've already read, and underneath that, I hear this: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." So here I am.