David Clark H10-13 S

This is the birth announcement I just finished cross-stitching for Nate. His name and birth date will go in the empty box in the center.

Restoration

God's been doing big stuff in my life over the last few weeks. Since 2003 I've had some great ideas about how I was going to serve God in Africa as a pilot/mechanic... but in pursuing those lofty goals, I let my relationship with God slip in a major way. I lost sight of the day-to-day, and that's too high a price, even when what I was trying to buy seems like such a great and noble thing. Since I lost my job in October, I've had all these questions about the future, about work, about whether we'd ever make it on the mission field. I haven't really gotten answers to any of those questions, but just about all of them were prompted by a wrong perspective on things, so the answers don't really matter as much as I thought they did. In point of fact, I've done some growing lately that I wouldn't have done if life had gone the way I thought it should have. And I'm crazy-grateful to God for that growth. Matthew 16:26

Have you ever been asked a question and you were utterly perplexed as to how to answer, because the only way to answer it properly was to tell a long story, but the asker was only looking for a simple "yes" or "no"? I got asked one of those questions Wednesday night. At the time, I was mercifully saved from attempting to stutter my way through an answer, but I've been thinking about the question since it was asked, and I still have no clue how to answer it simply. What's really funny is that, at a time when I'm absolutely desperate for clear, genuine encouragement in mine and Jen's course, this question was posed to me by a prominent member of our church here, and it only reinforced my perception that our current position is dreadfully misunderstood by so many people around me. While I make a point of not being insulted when people, in ignorance, say or ask offensive things, in truth this question was insulting to me. It hurt.

Sucker Punch!

Jen said in her latest blog post that I would provide details later. Fair enough. Since I'm online and can't find a single job for which I qualify, I may as well give you those details now. So, as I've mentioned, I found this job opening in a periodical called Air Jobs Digest. I e-mailed my resume and the owner of the company e-mailed me back, telling me to feel free to call him about the job. Keep in mind that I stated very plainly on my resume that I was still in school and wouldn't finish til the end of September. I called the guy, and we had a sort of impromptu phone interview, during which I told him, again, that I was still in school. He expressed a desire, several times, to meet me in person, so I flew from AZ to ID to meet the guy, at my own expense. We face-to-face interviewed for over two hours, during which time I told him, again, that I was still in school (you're seeing a theme here, and that's good). The guy decided to hire me, on a thirty-day trial period, beginning as soon as possible AFTER I FINISHED SCHOOL. So I finished school and Jen and I moved to ID, and I started work. Last Thursday was day 30 of my thirty-day trial period, so at the end of the day, I asked my boss for an answer on whether or not they were keeping me. After a fair amount of hemming and hawing, he told me he thinks I'll be a fine mechanic once I get up to speed, but I'm currently slow because I don't have any experience in the field (BECAUSE I JUST FINISHED SCHOOL). That being the case, he's losing money on me and he can't afford to keep me. I asked him if I should bother showing up the following day (Friday). He asked me if I wanted to show up and I said yes, so he told me to show up.

Friday morning I got to work, and we had no electricity in the hangar because of an electrical fire in our main breaker box. My supervisor (not my boss) pulled me outside and asked me what had happened the previous day, because our boss wouldn't tell him anything. I gave him the whole story, and he asked me, "If I can talk the boss into keeping you on at reduced pay until you find something else, would you be interested?" I couldn't really say why, but I didn't have peace with the idea. I said yes anyway, though, because a little income is better than no income.

Lunch time came, and I went home to eat with Jen, like I normally do. At 1:00 I was back at work, just like normal. My boss and my supervisor came in a couple minutes later, and everything seemed normal. Our power was back on, so I walked into the hangar to get started on a project. My supervisor followed me in, and said quietly, "Why don't you pack up your toolbox and I'll drive it home for you?" I said, "Wow, the conversation went that well, huh?" He replied, "Yeah, at this point, I'll be lucky to have a job on Monday." So I made sure all my tools were in my toolbox, and wheeled it out to my supervisor's truck. Meanwhile, my supervisor took my timecard to my boss, to make sure I got my last check before I left. Then he came out and helped me lift my box into his truck, and we got it all strapped down. After that, my supervisor ran back into the building real quick to grab my check (keep in mind that I hadn't so much as glimpsed my boss during this time, except for when he first got back from lunch). I followed my supervisor in (I don't think I was supposed to). My boss was standing at the front counter, talking to a customer. When my supervisor walked in, my boss just held out his hand with my check in it. He didn't say a word to my supervisor; he didn't even look at him. So I started walking toward my boss. He noticed me and looked wary for a second, so I stuck out my hand to make it plain I wanted to shake his hand. Then he stuck out his hand; I shook it and said, "Thank you for the opportunity," and I walked out.

My supervisor followed me home with my tools. After we got everything unloaded, he told me I have his phone number so call him if I need anything, and to use him if I need a reference. I asked him again, "So the conversation really went that bad?" He answered, "Let me put it this way: sometimes people REALLY don't like hearing the truth." And that was all he'd say about it. It was clear to me that he felt really awful about my being let go like that, but he was powerless to do anything about it. And that's the story.

Here's where I'm at now. I've been pursuing aviation since 2003, when I was so certain I'd been called to it by God. Jen and I spent 3 years in AZ so I could get my commercial pilot certificate, my instrument rating, and my A&P certificate. Now that I'm looking for a job in my field, it strikes me how completely worthless my education has been. I don't have the minimum hours required for ANY pilot job, I wasn't able to get my flight instructor certificate so I can't even teach, and thanks to the economy there really aren't any entry-level mechanic jobs out there right now. Lest you think I'm exaggerating, Cessna (one of the biggest general-aviation aircraft manufacturers) has laid off about 70% of its workforce in the last year or so, and all the other aircraft and engine manufacturers are following suit. The market is saturated with experienced mechanics who are scooping up all the jobs that, at one time, would have been the domain of the newly-certificated. I'm seriously questioning what I have, for the past 6 years, believed to be my calling. I'm finding it hard not to deeply regret not going to school for something, ANYTHING, else. I'm wondering if it was all a mistake. Don't get me wrong: I still have faith in God. I still believe He is who He is. I'm just wondering if I somehow misheard Him, if it was all just wishful thinking on my part. After all, He made me with certain strengths and skills, and those strengths and skills are certainly not compatible with aviation. Doesn't it seem far more likely He'd call me to something that made use of the skills and abilities He's given me?

I've been thinking for a while now about giving an update on here, since the last time I blogged we were still living in AZ, and I hadn't done my powerplant practicals yet. Now we're in Idaho, and my practicals seem like ancient history. Suffice it to say, I passed practicals, and I did it in a single day, no less. So now I'm working as an aircraft mechanic in southern Idaho. Or, rather, I'm getting my REAL education in aircraft maintenance. I started work on the 29th of Sept, and quickly discovered that my 15-month maintenance education was almost completely useless, when it comes to actually maintaining actual aircraft. The last couple weeks have been ENORMOUSLY frustrating and difficult, but I'm learning quite a bit (it feels like I've learned more in the past 2 weeks, than I did in 15 months at Cochise). It's hard to go from being top of your class, to feeling completely clueless and useless when it really matters. I'm still in the "trial period" of my job, which only makes me all the more conscious of every mistake I make and the depressing number of times in a day when I have to admit I have no clue how to do a project. I'm sure someday I'll look back at this time and laugh, but right now it's certainly doing an amazing job of keeping me humble.

Hitting the Wall Hard Enough to Splatter

For two weeks now, my life has been a discouraging marathon of frantically studying my Powerplant textbook, overloading to the point of forgetting what I've already studied, then scrambling to try to relearn the stuff I just forgot. And then, when that all gets too wearisome, I pack a few boxes which, on the whole, is far more satisfying and far less stressful than cramming. At the same time, though, it's hard to predict what we will and won't need to use/wear/read/etc in the next 9 days, so it's hard to know exactly what can and cannot be packed just now. It's also a little frustrating, because my FAA examiner won't return my calls to verify that I'm testing this weekend. If I don't test this weekend, then we can't move next week. If we can't move next week, I can't start my job on the 28th. If I can't start my job on the 28th, I don't know if I'll still have a job. So I'm stuck in this holding pattern that just begs and begs to be a source of ENORMOUS anxiety in my life, and all the while I'm trying to jam about 700 pages of information into my brain before this Saturday. I'm tired, and I mean just absolutely burned out. I'm frustrated. And I'm trying so very, very hard not to be discouraged or afraid. The war between my spirit and my flesh has never been so dramatically obvious in my heart. I have this constant murmuring in my mind born of all the 400 or so pages I've already read, and underneath that, I hear this: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." So here I am.

The Scoop on Idaho

There are lots of questions regarding my new job and our upcoming move to Idaho. I'm going to attempt to answer as many of those questions as I can, all in one fell swoop. Here goes...

I first read about the job in the Air Jobs Digest, which is this periodical consisting of nothing but aviation-related classified ads. The ad was maybe 2 lines long, and didn't really say much, but I was e-mailing my resume to other places, so I figured I'd toss out a line and see if anyone bit. The next day I got a reply from the owner of the business in question, telling me to feel free to call him about the position. I called him the day after that, and we talked for maybe 20 minutes. His name is Kevin; he owns an FBO that does maintenance on General Aviation aircraft, at the airport in Burley, Idaho, which is about 45 minutes east of Twin Falls. His FBO maintains all the aircraft for the Civil Air Patrol in Idaho and Utah, plus the firefighting aircraft for Idaho. He keeps a staff of maybe 3 mechanics, in addition to himself, and was looking to fill his #3 spot. He thought I sounded like a good guy, but really wanted to meet me. I closed my flight account at the college, which gave us a little extra money, and I flew out this past weekend. I met Kevin at his shop on Saturday, and we talked for about 2 and a half hours. He offered me the position, which I gladly accepted.

I finish school on September 24, and Kevin is expecting me at work on September 28. I'll be working Monday through Friday, 8 - 5, with paid holidays. There will be some overtime, because the shop is too busy to not have overtime, but Kevin tries to keep it to a minimum. I'm still working on getting in touch with an apartment complex and a lady who owns 10 rental properties in the Burley area, so I can figure out where we're going to live. Burley is roughly 3 hours away from Nampa, ID, where Mission Aviation Fellowship is headquartered. MAF, as you'll recall, is the missions organization Jen and I want to go through when we're finally ready for the mission field. Additionally, Burley is maybe a 17-hour drive from Douglas; we'll probably be renting a U-Haul truck to move our stuff from here to there.I think that just about covers it. Feel free to let me know if there are any questions I haven't answered.

Business Trip

I've hinted at something on Facebook a couple times in the last week or so, and I've told a select few what's going on. I've decided to go ahead and go public with the news, which should save Jen and me the time and effort of having to tell the rest of our peeps on a one-on-one basis. So here's the news: I sent out a half-dozen resumes via e-mail last week. A guy in Idaho e-mailed me back and told me to call him about the job. I called him, and we kind of did an impromptu, informal phone interview. He owns an FBO at a little non-towered airport in southern Idaho and has a staff of 3 or 4 guys who do maintenance on General Aviation airplanes. During our conversation, he mentioned more than once that he'd like to meet me face-to-face, so I decided to use some of my flight account funds to make a weekend trip out to meet him. He told me in no uncertain terms, though, to check with him before I actually buy my ticket, just in case he gave the job away before I could make my way out there. I called him today to see if the position was still open. It is, and he agreed not to hire anyone until after next weekend, and he's looking forward to meeting me next Saturday. So I'm flying out to Idaho next weekend to meet my prospective future boss. I made all my reservations and whatnot today, so I'm set to go. Unfortunately, Jen won't be able to make the trip with me, as she has to work next Friday and Saturday. I'm taking the digital camera with me, though, and I plan to take as many pictures of as many things in Idaho as I possibly can, so she can at least take a photo tour of our potential new home. And now you know.

"I'm Spider-Man, no more."

And now, curiously, I feel motivated to write a real, new post, now that I've just posted about how I'm intimidated by the thought of posting. (Yeah, I know. If you were ever able to see into my mind, you'd probably claw your eyes out. Or you'd mercy-kill me. Either way.)

I posted, almost two months ago, about how I had just become an intern at the airport in Benson. Here's the update: The week after I started being an intern in Benson, I stopped being an intern in Benson. To fully explain why, I'm going to have to provide just a little bit of backstory. At the time, my class schedule had degenerated to the point where I'd sit in class for about 2 hours on a Monday morning, then have the rest of the week off (my class is SUPPOSED TO be from 7:30 til 4, Monday through Thursday, no exceptions). That being the case, I had appalling amounts of spare time on my hands. I thought to myself, "I just earned my Airframe license. Wouldn't it be sweet to volunteer as a mechanic and score some hands-on experience in my down-time?" So I got in touch with a friend at New Tribes Mission Aviation, and I explained my situation to them. They took my offer of free labor to the rest of the guys in the shop, and they decided not to take me up on it. Apparently, there were some pretty big political issues happening within the mechanic-y side of NTMA, and they didn't want an "outsider" to see the drama, especially when said outsider would eventually be working for an organization that frequently partners with NTMA. So they shot me down. My friend, though, suggested that I volunteer to do grounds maintenance at NTMA for a while, and eventually I would probably be able to worm my way into the hangar to do some mechanic work. I met with the guy in charge of grounds maintenance. He told me he was semi-retired, so his schedule tended to be a little erratic, which meant we would probably have some difficulty connecting, since the highly erratic nature of my own schedule was why I was trying so hard to volunteer in the first place. The other big problem (in my mind, at least) was that I had attempted to volunteer as a mechanic, to do some free labor in an area I had just spent 9 months get certified in. They would get free help, and I would get some really great and relevent experience. What I was actually being handed was a chance to do some free labor in a field in which I had no training or skill, that wouldn't really benefit me in any way, besides providing that vague possibility that maybe, just maybe, someday I would be able to eventually work my way into the hangar to be able to do the kind of stuff I was volunteering to do in the first place. It seemed very... not what I was after.

Meanwhile, around this same time, I'd been in touch via e-mail with the owner of the FBO at the airport in Benson (FBO stands for Fixed Base Operator; FBOs are where you go to rent planes, buy fuel or pilot supplies, etc. They're the party store of aviation). I'd contacted him to get some information about the planes he has for rent. In the course of our correspondence, he mentioned he was looking for an intern to help out around the FBO. After NTMA shot me down and the grounds maintenance thing didn't look promising, the FBO guy offered me the internship. I thought to myself, "Finally, a chance to do something aviation-related, that I can put on a resume," and I jumped on it. After my first weekend on the job, I really got to thinking about the situation. My ideal had been spending my down-time from class out at NTMA, picking up some hands-on experience from some solid Christian missionary guys, so I could say on my resume that I actually had some experience in the field. The reality of things was that I was giving up two of the three days a week I got to spend home alone with my wife, spending just over 3 hours a day in my car, to work for free at a job that would really and truly have zero bearing on my resume. The internship was so far from what I'd originally desired, that I couldn't really find any reason to stick with it for even a second week. So I let it go. And now you know.

Why don't I blog more?

That's a pretty fair question. After all, it's not like it takes any kind of actual effort to hammer out a blog post. So what's my deal? Well, I'm going to level with you. A curious thing happens to me, when it comes to blogs. I'll start a blog and have no problem at all pounding out posts fairly frequently (I am, for instance, a five-time veteran of Livejournal; I kid you not. Most of those have been deleted over the course of time, however, so don't bother searching for them). But after I've gotten my blog well-established, I start to get intimidated by the thought of writing new posts. I'll log in and go to type a post, and I just go totally blank. Or else I'll start typing, make it halfway through a post, decide what I've just written is stupid, and delete it all. Eventually, it gets so bad that I come to dread the sight of the big white box on my screen, just waiting for me to fill it up with my words. I really and truly don't know what the problem is. Performance anxiety maybe? Can't say for sure. But, whatever the reason may be, that's why I update my blog so infrequently. The only bright side, I guess, is that just about all the people who used to read my blog with any kind of regularity, have given up checking for updates, so even if I do write the most idiotic post in the world, the only people who will read it are me and whoever might accidentally stumble across this blog while Googling random words.

ANNOUNCEMENT!!!

In a scant 8 months or so, I'm going to be a dad!!!! Hot diggety dog!!!

Intern!!!

Hey! I'm officially an intern at the airport in Benson! I start on Friday, and will spend all day Friday and Saturday there each week, doing whatever needs to be done. It's an unpaid position, but I'll be given $30 in gas money each day I work, and I'll have something aviation-related to put on my resume. Not too shabby!

In class we're learning how to overhaul a reciprocating engine. Our test on overhaul is next Thursday, and our Phase 4 final exam is the following Thursday. And then, two days later, WE LEAVE FOR MICHIGAN!!!!!!! I'm very excited to see family and friends again, and to deliver a couple gifts here and there (mostly there). I'm also looking forward to chowing down on a #18 (whole, white, cold, everything on it) at Intermission Deli. Mmm...

Update on My Grandma

It turns out one of the valves in my grandma's heart was letting blood back into her heart, and then the blood was clotting in her heart, which was throwing things out of whack. They did some sort of procedure on her to make the valve act normal again, but they won't know for 6 weeks whether or not it worked. In the meantime, she's on some meds that will keep any new clots from forming, and the doctor says that over time her body will re-absorb the clots that have already formed. Thanks to everyone who prayed (and who asked me how she was doing, because I wouldn't have remembered to post an update, otherwise).

Prayer Request

My mom just called to let me know my grandma is in the hospital. Her heart has gone out of whack, and she's having some kind of test done in about an hour (5:30pm, MI time) to see if there are any clots in her heart causing the problem. I honestly don't know if my grandma is a Christian (if faith in the Catholic church was all it took, there would be no question). Please pray that God wouldn't end her time here unless and until she has saving faith in Jesus Christ.

Getting High in Douglas, AZ

Cochise College, Douglas campus.

Here's a happy guy enjoying his David Clarks.

The LaBo house, from 6300ft MSL.

The golf course and fairgrounds in Douglas.

The big, tan building is Super Wal-Mart (the heart and soul of Douglas). The metropolis at the top of the picture is the north end of Agua Prieta, Sonora, Mexico (you're looking south in this picture). I'm not joking. The black line just below the start of the city is the border fence.

I PASSED!!!

I'm now the proud owner of a mechanic certificate, complete with Airframe rating!!! Thanks to everyone who prayed for me over the course of these past couple weeks.

My Trial

My Airframe practicals begin again tomorrow morning at 9am. Last weekend wasn't too bad at all, and I have a very good chance of completely finishing up and getting my mechanic certificate (well, the temporary one, anyhow) by close-of-business tomorrow. I don't know quite how to explain how I'm feeling right now, except maybe to say that I feel caught between two realities. In one reality, the practicals are small potatoes, hardly worth even thinking about because they're just another step in the path on which God has placed me. They're an unfortunate way to have to spend an entire Saturday, but little more than that. In the other reality, the practicals are the hinge point around which the rest of my future rotates. So much is riding on the outcome of those tests, that I'd be a fool NOT to be nervous. And so I sit in the gap between these two realities, relentlessly buffeted by currents from both, but unable to completely pull myself into either.

If anyone wanted to pray for me tomorrow, I wouldn't object.

Well, they're clearly not THAT fast. I drive a Buick, for Pete's sake!

Some time ago, Jen and I were told about a snake that lives here in the desert, called a red racer. It's supposed to be a pretty shade of red/pink, and very quick (hence "red racer" instead of, say, "red creeper"). I saw one once, very briefly in our back yard. It was sunning itself on some rocks on the far corner of our back porch, and I startled it when I opened the back door. By the time I realized I was looking at a red racer, it was already long gone.

Today, as I was driving home after sitting in class for one measly hour, I got to see one for real. I was on Lee Station Road, driving through the pasture that the cows are currently in, so I was taking it nice and slow (the calves think they're dogs and insist on running into the road and chasing our car when we drive by). Suddenly, I noticed something long and reddish draped across the right half of the road. "Huh," I thought to myself. "What on earth is that? Wait a second. Could that be a-" By this point in my mental monologue, I had to look in the rearview mirror to confirm or deny my suspicion, since I'd just run over the mysterious length of pink something. The rearview revealed that the victim of my hit-and-run was now coiled up instead of all stretched out. Typically, old lengths of hose don't coil on impact, so I figured I'd probably just had my first real encounter with a red racer. Being the type who likes to poke dead things with a stick, I threw the car in reverse, got up close to the roseate bundle, and got out for a closer look. For just a moment, I was sure I'd killed this beautiful reptile. But then his black tongue flicked out for a sniff of me. Assuming I'd merely wounded the racer, I wandered off to the side of the road for a stick with which to examine him more closely. In the time it took me to bend over, pick up a stick, and turn around, the racer had recovered from his tire-massage and was beating a hasty retreat off the other side of the road. Naturally, I followed him til he started making his way under a little desert scrub plant. Then I reached down and stroked the end of his tail. Apparently he prefers being rubbed by car tires, because he picked up his pace considerably and got the rest of the way under the plant, post-haste. My only regret in the whole episode is that Jen couldn't be with me to see it for herself. At least my sexy new cell phone has a decent camera.

PS- I'm not sure why, but Blogger has decided to make it impossible to enlarge my posted photos by clicking on them. If you want a larger view of the snake and you happen to be my friend on Facebook, look for the photo there. It will actually let you enlarge it. Stupid Blogger.

The Deeply Unfortunate Return of "Angry Josh"

Where on God's green earth have all the Christian guys in the 25-35 demographic gone? Thanks to Facebook, I recently re-befriended a guy who was instrumental in my coming to faith in Christ Jesus. I've had a couple really great online conversations with this guy, and I can't help but look at our reacquaintance as a gift from God. But, at the same time, it's given me a much better appreciation for what I DON'T have, and haven't had for a very long time. Apart from my conversations with Facebook guy, I haven't had a truly good talk with another Christ-following guy my age in so long a time, I can't remember the last one. Certainly, I've interacted with other Christian guys in the not-so-distant past, but a conversation that actually means something with a guy who shares the frame of reference of my demographic, has become a sort of unicorn in my life: I'm always trying to catch one, but I don't even really know where to start looking anymore. I have no Christian peers here. When I go to church, I'm surrounded by Christians, some younger than me, some older, but there is a noticeable hole in the age range, and I'm smack in the middle of it. As far as I know, I am the only Christian guy, of ANY age, in the entirety of the Cochise College aviation program, so no schoolyard chums are going to meet that need in my life. So where the heck else do you look for a "bosom friend" (huh, I guess I DID get something out of watching Anne of Green Gables with Jen)? I know I've bemoaned this particular disappointment in my life before, probably often, but it's an unmet need that continues to cause an ache right in the center of me.

Along those lines, I have another question for the Christ-ones who occasionally pop by: Do you ever get tired, spiritually? I was outside a little while ago, still working on ripping out that shrub. I spent a couple hours on it, made good progress, but just got to a point where my weary body was done. My motivation dribbled out of me like the lifeblood from a gutshot bandito, and I found myself just sitting in the dirt with no more will to labor. Then I realized that's how I'm feeling spiritually lately. In my heart, I think I've been muttering, "Okay, God. I'm done. I've got nothing left. I'm tired of being 'nice' to people who could really benefit from a good verbal evisceration or a solid backhand. I'm so weary of slogging my way through "the aviation maintenance program that common sense, competence, and teaching ability forgot." I'm sick of living in America's armpit, far enough away from roots that my family treats me like a casual acquaintance instead of a son and brother, and no one here knows me. I've worked hard enough for one lifetime; I've jumped through all the hoops you've put in front of me. Just give me a bloody rest already." Does anyone else ever get to feeling like this? I'd ask some of my face-to-face Christian friends, but...